I'm not interested in unchanging past

Written by Branka Kurtz

I’m not interested in unchanging past. I don’t care for the memory hole past, that can be converted into a day for political purposes.
I don’t care anymore for present situation, as a sort of indefinite duration. I’m only interested in the future, because thta’ where I’ll spend the rest of my life. I want to think that way, I want to live that way, and look forward.
I’m sick of saturation, concentrations of everyday absurdities, rounded by the shapes and colors, that only awaits one unexpected hit, to back all again into the abyss, sorrow and silence.

I’m sick of individual and collective uncertainty, in which authorities we are constantly , which we will never win, and the one we can’t penetrate into the future. I’m sick of thought that every day I lose the faith in the possibility of salvation, progress, and that all comes to nothing, and converts it into the trash and the stench, without any warning that we will be fine, and emerge from the landfill stench, of human folly, and give us back already humiliated dignity.

I don’t want to spend my whole life in the waiting room for some better times. In the waitin room of justice, equality in the name of the law, protection of vital national interests, the right to work and have a dignified life, raising awareness and responsibility of politicians, awakening of our individual and collective consciousness. While we wait, we are regretted, a tone of regretting only increases.
And so our obligation, becomes waiting, drowsiness, or better to quote Charles Baudler; I’m aiming to the absolute rest and to continuous night …
Knowing anothing, wanting nothing, feeling nothing, sleep, and again sleep, that’s my only wish. My wish is shameful and disgusting, but honest.

The human memory is an indication of the existence in the past, but that doesn’t have to mean that it actually exists, because we se the world based on our sense that doesn’t have to mean that we see all that truly exists.
Perhaps that is related to the brevity of our lives, what prevents us to gain a broader and deeper insight into the world. Maybe on a spiritual level, there is no past and the future due to persistence of the spiritual beings (if they do eternal soul).
Prehpars, maybe it is better of science that doesn’y acknowledge the past, the future if it can gain a better insight into the actual state of affairs, althought that today the purpose of science is the preactical application, and not understanding the things.
As for the future … it is relative. We can anticipare or dream something, but it doesn’t have to be achieved, it may be only one possible picture of the potential future.

The default future would mean that we have free will, however, we can choose what we want, as we could in the past, so that our present would be a slightly different, but it may be tomorrow, so we defined that as a present.
Just like a CD has 10 songs, and we are now listening 5th, 4th we already listened couple minutes ago, and 6th we are going to listen right now.
All these songs in this moment, exist on the CD, and we are listening only one, and which we are going to listen is up to us to decide.

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